Picture this: you’re out in a bar with some college buddies. While you’re about to get a refill, you see this gorgeous girl and all of a sudden, your future together flashes before you. Coincidentally, she’s getting a drink and heading to where you are standing. Choose one of the following options:
a) Give her a nod and smile until she looks away.
b) Smile, then offer to pay for her drink. Hopefully, you get to chat and eventually get her number.
c) No reaction, as if she doesn’t exist.
Naturally, you will choose choice option B, but in reality, you will go for A or C. C’mon, if you really want to up your dating game, then at least have the courage to talk to a girl who is a complete stranger to you. The problem is, how do you do it without sounding too pushy, or even kind of creepy? The good news is, you are in the right place. Here are seven simple tips that can translate your small talk into something sexy.
1. Know What Bores Women
Women are complicated, period. Regardless of how many books those dudes with PhD degrees from fancy schools sell, the truth is, there is no exact formula that can tempt a woman and make her want you – instantly. The least you can do is to know what bores her, so you don’t repel her. In this case, here are some of the things you need to watch out for when attempting small talk:
The “Interview-style” small talk. Asking her name and what she does for a living is okay. But if you ask her series of questions, such as where she’s from, the school she went to, where she lives and the like, well, it’s going to be pretty boring – fast. You’re after a conversation, not making an autobiography about her life.
Stay away from topics that involve religion, politics or beliefs. It can trigger ill feelings, and you might end up not getting her number.
Uncomfortable silences. Brief silence from time to time is fine. However, if you hear birds chirping, then there is bigger possibility that she is bored.
2. Women Want To Keep Things Interesting And Engaging
Now that you know what bores women and eventually turn them off, it’s now time to find out what they find interesting. You might say that every woman is different and there is no universal rule that can make a woman like you. Fine, you have a point there. However, there is thing called “common grounds,” which is applicable in most, if not all women.
In this case, make sure to talk about something that draws emotions. Topics such as childhood memories, travelling, passion and interests and music are a sure fire hit. Once a woman is in her emotional state, it will be easier to connect with her.
Also, “in the moment” talks are also a crowd-pleaser. If you are laughing and making jokes about what is going on around you, then you’re on the right track. Hence, it won’t hurt if you observe what’s happening around and at the same time, observe her, as well. However, too much flattery can be a turn off, so take it easy, pal. Of course, a good story will also do the trick. If you have a personal story that can evoke her emotions, then you’re on the right path, too. Just remember to keep it short and sweet.
3. Avoid Too Much Flattery
Complimenting everything about her from head to toe only means one thing – it seems like there is nothing else you can say, so you just focus on her.
That’s okay, except that if it’s too creepy, it makes her want to push the eject button, so she can get you out of her sight. Plus, it bores her, and the last thing she wants to hear is how the shade of her lipstick looks good on her, or her haircut suits her face well.
If you really want to turn your small talk into something sexy, take it easy on the fake flattery. Tell her about your initial impression of her, her sense of style or personality. Don’t talk about how smoking hot she looks on her little black dress, since it will make you look like you only want to get in her panties, not to get to know her better.
Therefore, don’t use compliments to keep the conversation going. Seriously, it screams desperation. The next thing you know, she is walking out on you. Yikes.
4. Don’t Make It All About You
This is a common mistake among men. If you want to be the better man in any given situation, then keep this in mind – stop trying to prove yourself to her.
Most men think that good looks, a nice car and a condo unit in the most expensive place in town will make the girls go gaga over them. Sorry to break it to you guys, but it simply won’t work. So, if you decide to talk about yourself and how you earned your first million at 21, then it only means one thing for her: you are bragging.
Sadly, bragging is the most repulsive and unattractive behavior you can do around women. Believe it or not, women can tell whether you are trying to prove yourself to her, no matter how “subtle” you try to be. Remember, women are smart too, aside from being intuitive, of course.
Therefore, never brag. At the same time, transfer your sexual state to her. Make it all about her. After all, you want to know more about her, right?
5. Don’t Put Too Much Effort On Her
Have you heard of the principle called “effort justification?” Basically, it tells people that the more effort you put into something, the more it shows that you want it.” This explains why you go crazy over women are playing hard to get. To be able to get the lady, you need to work hard for it, right?
Well, it doesn’t really work that way. Believe it or not, the more effort you put in trying to win her, the more she will lose interest. Therefore, don’t be a dog that quickly goes to its master just to get a sniff. That’s pretty lame and it doesn’t really emphasize your confidence and masculinity. Therefore, keep the conversation as balanced as possible. Complimenting her eyes, hair or any part of her body doesn’t excite her that much. Taking her on expensive dates just to test those attraction techniques also won’t work. Don’t make yourself easily available to her, but make sure to stay away from being a needy, clingy jerk.
6. The “It’s Not Your Fault” Technique
It is hard to understand what’s going in a woman’s mind. What more when you are just sending a text message. Apparently, sending three or more messages hoping to get a reply also screams desperation.
Even if she texts back, it’s because you are making the lady guilty and she is merely trying to avoid rude texts, which is still not good.
Well, you haven’t heard of the “it’s not your fault technique” if that’s the case. This trick works so well, it will make the girl want to text you and at the same time, add some spunk in the conversation. To do this, here are three things you need to know.
Create a funny reason why she hasn’t text you back. It can be anything from being abducted by aliens to following a band she’s been obsessed with since she was eight. The point is be funny.
Back up the reason. If you suspect she saw some aliens, then back it up by saying you hope she doesn’t decide to live on Mars.
Compel her to respond. This is where you tell her that once she’s done with whatever is keeping her busy, maybe she can at least let you know how she is doing. Then tell her there’s a new coffee shop near her workplace that you might want to check out.
Example – “It looks like you ran off to join the circus. If you are not too busy training penguins to do the cartwheel, I have a fun idea for something we can do near your work place.”
7. Be Yourself
Assuming you mastered tip number four and you decided to shift the attention to her. That’s a good job, but it only shows that you are a fast learner. However, make sure that you don’t lose yourself along the way just to please her.
So, if somewhere along the conversation, she said something you don’t agree with, don’t hesitate to voice your opinion. Disagree with her, especially when you have something important to say about a particular topic.
Challenging her opinions, especially if it is within reason and what you have to say makes sense is okay. It tells the girl that you are not afraid to show who you really are and you are simply being true to yourself.
Believe it or not, she will like you for that. Nobody wants a “yes” guy all the time. That’s a sign of weakness, and women don’t like that.
The bottom line is, relax, take a deep breath, and be yourself. Remember the three dont’s – Don’t flatter too much, don’t brag and don’t appear too desperate. Your attempt to try to create sexy small talk will lead you nowhere.
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