Picture this: You’re nearing the 30 mark and still haven’t found the girl of your dreams. You’ve been dating for quite some time only to get rejected by countless women. All of a sudden, you’re slowly losing hope and start to develop a fear of dating.
Here’s a fact: women always take the passive role in dating and relationships in general.In fact, they are more afraid to get rejected, which explains why men always make the first move – aside from the fact that men are usually the dominant ones, since time immemorial. Well, no one is blaming you here, but you need to remember that you’re not going anywhere if you don’t get back out there. Don’t expect a gorgeous woman to walk up to you, say hi, and ask for your number. Never in a million years will it happen.
So, if you’re still scared and trying to figure out what to do with your life relationship-wise, then go ahead and take some time. But time is running short, dude. In case you are ready to start dating again, here are some things you can do.
1. Stop Making Excuses
So, a pretty girl walks by right in front of you. What should you do?
a) Smile at her, and hope that she smiles back.
b) Approach her.
c) Never mind. You’re not in the mood anyway, and there are plenty of days where you can see beautiful women.
Naturally, you’ll go for option A or B, but in reality, you always end up with C. If you only approach women when you’re in the mood, well, you’ll never get back to the dating scene again. That girl who passed by you may be someone else’s girlfriend by now.
Remember, the good guys who get the good girls are the most passionate ones who go after what they want in life. Therefore, stop making excuses.
If you really want to get over your fear of dating, stop convincing yourself that there is always tomorrow or the weekend to meet someone, or that you’re not in the mood. Stop thinking that there are plenty of women who are hotter than her, or that you don’t want to bother her. Get over your fear. If you want to meet the girl of your dreams, then grab every opportunity you get. Forget all those excuses. They’re not doing you any good.
2. Create More Opportunities
Let’s say you somehow got over your fear and stopped making excuses, when a pretty woman comes along. Congratulations. It’s now time to look for opportunities where you can meet more women.
Your workplace, church and Friday night clubs with your mates are good and guaranteed venues where you can meet women. However, you need to go out of your circle, too. If you want to meet new people, especially women, learn how to create opportunities for yourself. Here are some other places where you can meet women.
Your local grocery store – Spot some girls and see what they are shopping for.
This can be a good opportunity for you to make small talk, or even joke about what’s in their basket.
If you go shopping on the same day and around the same time each week, you’ll start to become more familiar and approachable, too.
Train or any public transportation – Don’t just sit down on the first available seat you see.
Look for an attractive girl you can sit next to for a chat. Smile, be nice, and don’t try to be pushy.
Keep it casual since being too forward means no number, as well. If you take the same train or bus each day, you’re bound to get to know each other sooner or later.
Your neighborhood – This is also a good venue to bump into friendly and attractive girls. You can even try this pickup line, “I always make it a point to talk to the first gorgeous woman I see and it happens to be you. Can I get your name?”Talk to her for a few minutes, then teasingly blame her for making you late for an important meeting. Walk your dog, ride [adsanity id=”49837″ align=”aligncenter” /]your bike – get to know your neighbors.
3. Think Of Other Dating Techniques
Dinner-movie-coffee dates will always be a crowd-pleaser. However, this can be boring too, especially when you or the girl has been on this type of date for the longest time. To ease any anxiety or fear, think of something fun to do to make it look like you’re not actually on a date. Try to go on a bike ride, a trip to the museum or art exhibit if the girl is into art or history, go to a theme park, enroll in a one-day cooking class, or watch a musical play.
Be creative and think of all sorts of fun things. Ask the girl what interests her and try to come up with something fun and exciting out of those interests. The good thing about this is that it eases your mind and removes any tension associated with the usual dinner-drinks date. At the same time, it allows you to try new things and get to know yourself better, in the presence of a new and different person.
4. Evaluate Your Dating Mistakes
Here’s another fact: Life has its own way, sometimes cruel, of teaching you a lesson. In fact, that is the purpose of making mistakes. It allows you to be grounded and at the same time, serves as a reminder of what not to do when faced with another challenge.
Turn your fear into something positive. Review your dating days and try to remember the things that did and did not work out. What could you have done differently? What can you do to be a better date or partner? Do some soul searching. You can use it to your advantage when you get back into the dating scene.
Once you’ve pinpoint your mistakes, try your best not to let them happen again. If you noticed your 20 messages a day only get one or two replies, then don’t text too much. The point is, learning something from your dating mistakes turns a breakup into something positive.
5. Invest In Yourself
Yes guys, you need to remember yourself, too. You always hear about those sayings that you should love yourself first before you learn to love other people. Well, that is true. You can never go out there unless you, yourself are a mess. Here’s another fact: Somewhere in the dating game, you lose a portion of yourself. That is totally understandable. You are trying to impress a girl, so doing her favorite things is a part of your regular routine.
Now that you’re on a temporary break, take some time to reconnect with yourself. If you are constantly delaying that song you are composing, then now is the time to finish it.
If you’ve been meaning to take photography classes, then go ahead and enroll in classes. Go out with old friends to see how they have been doing while you were M-I-A. You can also focus on your work and start building your future. Whatever you choose, the point is investing in yourself again lifts your spirits and keeps your mind in a controlled, sane state. At the same time, it makes you even more interesting when you meet new people. It increases your self-esteem, too, which girls really dig.
6. Take Things Slow And Steady
The problem with some men is that they want to keep things moving as fast as they can, so they can get laid – and have access to it anytime they want it. Well, don’t be one of those men, because frankly, you’re being unfair to the girl. If you think that way, then maybe you should stay in the dating break room longer.
To put things in perspective, always take things slow. You’re the man. There is no biological clock ticking and as crazy as it may sound, women are even into older men, since they are more mature and well, established in their respective field.
If you meet a girl and you feel she is worth the shot, then go ahead and grab that opportunity. However, make sure that you keep everything in the right pace. Don’t build your future yet. Start to get to know her first. Establish common grounds, until the two of you are ready to take it to the next level. In other words, just enjoy every moment. Go out without too many expectations, and simply have fun with the old and the new people around you.
7. Always Be Yourself
Again, you somehow lose a part of yourself when you are in the dating scene. But hey, no one is blaming you. It is part of human nature to adjust in every setting, depending on who, what and where they are, in order to be likeable.
If you decide to go back in the dating game, then you have to remember this: Always be yourself. Don’t change yourself and pretend to be someone else in order to attract someone.
The more you pretend, the more it will be exhausting for you, since you are not being yourself. Be real. There is one special person who will see that.
Dating is fun and challenging at the same time. If you decided to take a break, that’s okay. Go back once you are ready. And if you do, make sure to follow these tips. You’ll eventually see the right one for you, so be patient.
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